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Weds 24th, I did not plan for a busy day but it turned out to be crazy . Alan had a restless night, but was not sick in the night.The puppy woke up at 6, everyone else laid in till 9. Alan had no appetite but drank more water which was good, he hates the taste of water and most squashes so it's been a bit hard. Unfortunately he took all his 9am pills and was sick just after, which made us think they were not absorbed, so that was a worry. My son was supposed to be helping at a football club in town at 10, so we left to go and do that. Unfortunately my son did not recognise the coach they had helping so he got upset and did not want to stay.I did a quick trip to morrisons on the way home to get essentials like loo roll, only about 5 items because my son was still upset in the car.The lady at the till was really rude because i think she saw i was agitated that she was chatting to the customer in front of me for ages so she went super slow. She huffed and puffed when i asked for bags so i burst into tears ( they came from nowhere) well it made her hurry because i think then she thought i was mentally ill. I rushed home then to find my daughter refusing to have a shower (which she had promised to do) the puppy had pooed on the carpet and Alan being sick upstairs. Chaos! Eventually everyone was sorted and Alan was comfortable. I had some lunch, sat with Alan and then went off to give a blood donation at 2pm. It was my eighth donation so i did not see it being a problem but a nurse spotted that i looked anxious and asked me if i was ok, cue tears again, i was very embarrassed sitting there crying for seemingly no reason. They all thought it was because the male nurse had not put the needle in right but it was just because i had stopped and i was on my own and that is when the feelings creep up.So i left there leaving yet more confused people in my wake.Got home to find the dr had rung and Alan had repeat prescriptions that needed collecting so it was back into town to sort out dr and pharmacy things. Back home and time to sit with Alan and help him, he was sick a lot today :( No appetite but has been drinking more. Made dinner for children but smell of their dinner wafting upstairs made Alan sick again. When i took out potatoes from oven i dropped the tray and they rolled everywhere, i could not salvage any! So had to give them lots of buttered bagette instead.Then i had to take the puppy to his 'puppy party' at the vets, where they can socialise with other puppies. ( quite key apparently) Dexter (our puppy) was the smallest there but was soon trotting around looking for playmates and having the odd scrap. I felt quite proud watching how confident he was. Soon he had exhausted the vet nurses with his antics who said things like 'phew how do you cope' and 'you've got a right one there', which made me pleased that i wasn't just imagining that he is a handful at home. At the end i told one of the nurses about our situation, it was not hard to say but her face just fell and she looked so horrified that i started to well up again. She recovered but as we left in the car i could see her telling the other nurses what i had said and i thought perhaps it would have been better to keep quiet. I got home with a thankfully tired pup but Alan had been sick and was being sick again as i came in. I now feel shattered but the kitchen is a tip and bins overflowing. I shall leave what i can till tomorrow. I feel tired but fed up too because i haven't felt like i have spent enough time with Alan. I also feel silly for getting upset in public places, i think it might be related to hormones though this week so maybe i should avoid public places for a bit. In fact i am going to do an online Tesco order right now...Really hope Alan is not so sick tomorrow and has a good night tonight..
Remember your under a lot of pressure both physical and mental. Do your shopping on line, and have an early night if you can. Look after yourself.
Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.
P.S. Hope Alan has a good nights sleep.
Thanks Sarsfield! Just finished online shop, off to bed now. :)
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON RIGHT NOW IS YOUR ALAN.EVEN THE SMALLEST HING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED
Hi Emily, well you had quite a day there, hang what people think if you cry in public, better out than in! On a bad day I don't think I could do what you managed to do!
Hope you had a good nights sleep and that Alan's sickness is not as bad, JMD is right Alan is the most important person at the moment but please try to look after yourself too.Big hugs to you and your family, I really hope today is a better day for you.
Me...I am going to attempt to do a full day at work today.
Love Jackie xxxx
Oh Emily how I identify with what you say - I found myself blubbing down the phone to a talktalk engineer the other day - probably some poor guy in India who thinks all english women are mad - sometimes I just cant keep it in - and I think that when that is the case - well just let it go - lord knows the strain we are under if we kept all that emotion and distress inside then we too would end up being ill - and we cant be can we ? we have all the other stuff to do apart from looking after our dear partners - kids that wont tidy up, dogs and cats - my cat likes to poo in the bath rather than his perfectly good litter box !shopping and picking up daughters from train stations - trying to arrange a gathering for her 30th - not worry about whats going on at work whilst I am off . So just one step at a time - looking after ourselves as well as anyone else we look after and cry when we need to and bugger the hormones.
Love and hugs to you
Emily, if I'd had your day I'd have cried too! I don't know how you fitted everything in, that's amazing. Don't feel bad that you can't spend all your time with Alan, sadly the rest of the world doesn't slow down or stop because someone in the family has cancer, you've still got all the pressures you had before of kids, day to day life, puppies, shopping. Could any of your friends help you out and feed the kids or take the puppy to socialising class just till you get Alan's sickness under control and a routine going? Friends and family are usually willing to help with any practical tasks you need if you ask them! Best of luck for today, I hope it's a little less stressful for you and Alan is feeling better. Love Vikki xxx
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