Well it has been a while since I have put a blog post on here mainly due to the interruption that was cervical cancer becoming less of an interruption and allowing my life to start to return back to normal (ish).
People always say that a cancer diagnosis changed them and after my first set of treatment I did not understand it. I never felt anything other than relieved that the treatment was over, exhausted and convinced that the cancer had gone. We all know how that turned out!
After the pelvic clearance I found a new way of looking at life, it was not gratitude although that was part of it along with relief but the need to do something more. It's hard when you are just an ordinary person, I'm no Lance Armstrong and although I have some great friends and family I don't have a massive circle to call on so fund raising would not be of much use really. I looked round and saw people just getting on with giving back with ease. Luckily for me the other charity that helped me through me journey offering me friendship, support and was my lifeline was Jo's Cervical Cancer Trust and they had just advertised for voluntary support leaders. The application was strict but I applied and got accepted onto the training at the end of this month. I enjoy helping to support others and missed having face to face contact when I was first diagnosed so if I could help to provide this for someone else then this would help fulfil my 'giving back'.
I was also asked by my specialist nurse to provide my patient experience at a study day recently. I accepted the 30 minute slot without much thought and then as it got nearer the panic set in!! After a few sleepless nights the presentation was delivered. What an experience to share such personal details and your story with others, it was very powerful for those at the study day and gave me the opportunity to revisit the journey. Some of it was quite painful and other parts I remembered fondly but as an exercise I found it very therapeutic and would highly recommend it.
Through this reflection exercise I have reconfirmed just how lucky I have been with my care and treatment since my referral to the hospital (Cancer hospital in Manchester). It inspired me to visit some of those people who made a difference and thank them (again in most cases) . Although they were 'just doing their job' they made a massive difference to my care and recovery and when you hear the stories from others about the way they have been treated I know that I had and still continue to experience first class treatment. I believe very much in treating others how you hope to be treated yourself and during my journey I have been lucky to have encountered others with a similar outlook.
I will be returning in December to the ward I spent 6 weeks in over Jan - March this year to have my ileostomy reversed. I am petrified not knowing how severe the side effects will be how this will alter and impact my quality of life which currently is excellent with two stoma's thank you very much! Am I making the right decision to have this done? I don't know but what I do know is that I will be treated well whilst I am having it done and if the worst case scenario is that I have to go back to an ileostomy bag then my urostomy will not feel lonely and in my opinion that is not a worst case.
For those of you that are just at the beginning of your journey, try not to despair, take each day as it comes and break your journey into small manageable ones, it helped me to cope with receiving so much information and achieving little goals on the way spurred me on.
Mostly I don't think about cancer any more, I am getting on with my adapted life now but there are still times when it is all I can think about and I spend my time hoping that it will never come back. Will there ever be a day when that does not happen at all? I don't know but my next milestone is 31/01/12 which will be 12 months since my operation and hopefully 12 months all clear. To me when I hit that 5 years all clear I will sigh a huge sigh of relief and in the meantime I will just try to get on with my life giving back in my own way.
