The envy of Sisyphus

1 minute read time.

I'm sure things aren't meant to be quite this hard. I had to call the out of hours doctor again last night - I was sick and fever-y, and had very bad tummy pains. This time, by way of variety, they sent us along to an out of hours clinic in Oxford, which was, I suppose, preferable to waiting in the house for someone to (possibly) turn up. Preferable for me, anyway; maybe less so for Judy, who doesn't like driving in Oxford, especially at 1.00 in the morning. Anyway, the doctor there wrote me out a prescription for some new stuff. Hurrah!

Today we went out to get it filled. It took nearly four hours, five different chemists, a call to the Sobell House Hospice helpline on a mobile fast running out of charge, and a consultation between pharmacist #5 and the out of hours clinic - which, of course, had a different doctor on duty by then - to get it done. Actually, it still isn't the exact prescription, the pharmacist got the doctors to agree to let him dispense something similar. God bless Woodstock Road chemists for services above and beyond, but is it any wonder I get stressed?

On Tuesday, when everyone gets back to work, I'm going to phone the Macmillan nurses and see whether we can get a check done to see if I need ascites drained again. I hope not, because it really hurts, but then again, so does pretty much everything. I also want to see if they'll consider giving me my first dose of chemo on the ward in case of side-effects. I was fine last time, but I was also a lot healthier last time. Well, no, that's not true, I had the chest problems then, but my stomach wasn't so bad. Anyway: chances are they'll say no, but it's worth a shot.

I wonder how many people just give up and die of cancer because they're tired of having to bloody well fight all the time?

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hilary Insist on first dose on the Ward. We have just had a horrendus experience where as my hubby was given first dose of chemo and dispatched attached to the pump. 24hours later we were back there. Mark was terribly terribly sick, that was 4 days ago and he is still in. 

    Do not go through that. Insist on being in for at least 24hours. 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dearest Hilary,

    I wish things were not that hard for you and if I could, I would smash that rock up until you could lob it up that hill and hit crabyy with it at the same time...

    I don't get why they can't just give you stuff whilst there rather than having to hunt around everywhere.

    Now you have it, I hope that you get a bit of relief and that the up coming chemo starts to shrink that bastard Mr Crab again.

    I hope you get a bed in the ward though my place there were beds everywhere as well as chairs so not sure what they normally do with you?

    Anyway, it is late and I am tired but had to send you a big hug to see you through the night

    Little My xxx

    ps I think they do. Give up I mean. My mum did. She just said I want to go now  and off she went... Can't say I blame her the way she was and she had been doing it for 12 years! You however do not give up ok? I wish you lived a bit closer and then I would get your drugz for you and drive round town at night cos I am allowed to drive again now!!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hilary It is so very unfair that not only do you have to fight cancer but you have to fight to get decent treatment. You surely have enough to deal with without having to put up with the utterly unbelievable incompetence of our 'glorious' NHS. It was something my Pat frequently used to have a good old rant about! And on her bad days when she was feeling really dreadful from chemo and in a huge amount of pain with her legs (the tumours had spread to her spine), she did feel like giving up. She would say half jokingly that it was time to jump off the balcony, we live on the top floor of an apartment block! I would tell her it was too late for that, now her legs had given up she was physically unable of climbing over the balconly and I certainly wasn't going to give her a leg up! She didn't give up Hilary not until the very last moment. There is a time to give up but not while you are still capable of loving and being loved, of laughing and crying, smelling, tasting, touching, feeling and seeing all the amazing things in this world. Life is cruel and there will always be black days, days when you are so tired of it all, but all those amazing things are just around the corner and so worth not giving up for! And the most amazing one of those amazing things is Love and I'm quite sure that you are loved Hilary. Sending a big hug and positive thoughts for good days xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Wishing you all the very best of everything. In my thoughts and prayers. Stay stong matey xxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    One of the surprising things about having cancer has been that what has really hacked me off isn't the fact I've been quite ill - and, while I'll hopefully be fine, might be more ill at some point - but the occasions where doctors, nurses and systems have been indescribably rubbish. It's really not what you need - for managing the people who should be caring you to become a battle, as well as having to deal with the cancer and associated issues. I hope that things are easier to organise - without such a fight - with the next stages of treatment. And that the treatment works well.