My baby, she has restless nights

3 minute read time.

Every day I make my bed neatly, smooth down the duvet, tuck it down the side of the bed and the footboard. And every morning I wake up cocooned in a 30-tog pretzel with my feet sticking out.

I don't know what I dream about, but it must be very exciting. It's a pity I don't remember, I might have the next big best-selling fantasy series tucked away in my brain somewhere. Although even if I did, I am probably too lazy to write it down.

My sister Penny came for a visit, all the way from Penzance, last week - she arrived on Tuesday evening and left on Friday morning. I'm afraid I wasn't the best company, since I spent most of the time languishing on the sofa (it's useful having guests, it means that there's a spare duvet downstairs all ready for me), but Judy took her out to see the sights of Bicester: the town, and the garden centre, and Bicester Village, and the fake stone circle (we don't know why Bicester has a fake stone circle - that is, it's real in that it's a circle made of stones, but it's not an antiquity - but it does), and ... ummm, that's it, actually. Thrilling, I know. Anyway, it was lovely to see her, since I haven't since my mother's funeral last year.

It's quite strange having someone to stay who's never been before; you have to warn them about all the little glitches that you just take for granted: "Okay, the upstairs loo has a bit of a funny flush, it works okay if you stand on the other side of the toilet and pull the handle towards you ... and the seat's a bit wobbly, and the hot water in the tap only trickles. You can wash your hands in the bidet, no, it's okay, we don't use it. The hot tap in the downstairs loo trickles too, you're on your own there ... Remember to lock the front door when you come in, or go out for that matter, it doesn't latch (the GC has never quite got the hang of this and has several times left it unlocked all night) ... We don't have a toaster, we make toast under the grill, BUT the cooker has slightly dodgy wiring so we turn it off at the wall when we're not using it. Oh, and the pilot light on the hob doesn't spark, you'll have to use the lighter-thingy ... ah, and apparently that one doesn't work at all. And please don't expect our cats to be friendly, they don't like people. They don't even like us all that much ... Enjoy your stay!"

Another former colleague popped in on Friday, bearing a lovely card and a pretty pink potted plant (and left with the loan of one of our three sets of Lord of the Rings, as she said she'd never read it). I think I have now seen almost all the people I used to work with, at least the inner cabal. Some of them are going to have to start coming round a second time. Actually, some of them already have, and very grateful I am, too, although it may not seem like it when I'm propping myself up on one arm and trying to keep my eyes open!

The cancer? Oh, the cancer. It's still there, crabbing away at my tummy. Don't tell it, but it's having its second lot of chemotherapy this coming Saturday. I don't expect it to make a lot of difference, but I hope it'll do some good. Kill off the cancer whilst causing me the minimum pain and inconvenience would be favourite.

The bad news is ... the breathlessness is back, and it is pretty bad, although not as much so as it was before. Dr Naj is going to be furious if the pleural effusion's filled up again after all his hard work, and I can't say I'm any too pleased about it myself. It hurts, and it's scary. These are two of my very not-favourite things. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow, and I'll get her to tap me on the chest and back and see what she thinks. I've got a chest appointment on the 18th; I hope I can hold out that long and not have to play the emergency card again. People will get quite tired of me, if they're not already.

Speaking of my doctor's surgery, they are the winner of this week's 'misplaced sense of humour' prize: they've just sent me a form letter offering me a free NHS health check ...

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    See/ still here sitting at computer... though you are a sneaky lady cos I was just looking over at the box that could now go on top of the other box to make room for the desk... when bing bong the inbox pinged at me and there was you chattering on so sat back down. Wise move... I like your style... :o)

    Anyway, I am glad to hear you are lounging round on the sofa (surely you have a chaise longue??) Well, one of us has to and it doesn't look like its going to be me

    And a fake stone circle????? That's weird.... what? just weird... why?? hmmm. odd. Maybe I'll stay in Wales. We just have rivers and castles here.

    You had better not be filling those lungs back up again.. or I'll be round slapping your legs and putting you in naughty corners... its naughty and that's that.

    On a serious note (is there such a thing? lets try...) I am cross to hear you are hurting and scared. My friends are not allowed either. Full stop. So, get to the doc and get it not hurting and try not to be scared- its just too much raspberry coulis that needs to come out again and you can get it out cos you did before. I hope it is just a bit of hurting from chemo, lying on the sofa and not fluid...

    Let us know. Go to your free health check just for fun... see what they say... ask them if you are healthy or not at the end... ha ha Mine this week was an offer for life insurance... snigger. Nearly phoned them up just to hear the tumbleweed moment of silence... ha ha

    OK, now YOU TAKE CARE and just lie on the sofa till you go to the docs and eat cake and nice things and read nice books and don't be scared. Little My is here to help and as you know she isn't scared of too much (well, she's good at pretending in public anyway)

    and if you do get scared, i think I can find my way to the weird place with fake stone circles (weird) and I can easily come and sit on the naughty step at your place and stop scary coming through the door at the same time... make some use of my stupidity eh?

    Big hug to you and hope that ramble made some sense along the way... I am a little sleepy..

    Oh, good luck for Saturday too... try not to puke too much.

    Little My xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Many HUGS Hilary.Did you find a Little My sitting on your naughty step?

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    LM - a chaise longue, or a good old Victorian fainting couch, would be an excellent thing to have. Alas, we are plebs, and can only aspire to a sofa. But it is quite a comfy sofa. Just as well. Oh, so tired!

    I don't know why a fake stone circle. I don't know why it's stuck in a field on the outskirts of town where you can barely see it, either. Someone, somewhere in the history of Bicester's planning council must know, but they're not telling.

    You are always welcome to come and sit on my naughty step, sausages and all!

    xx

    Janique - *hugs* back. No, I didn't, but she now has an open invitation!

    xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thanks, Hilary. I just saw this.Like invitations to sit on new naughty steps. Mine gets a bit boring...

     It asks me if I want to stop receiving emails... ha ha it would be good to start! Ah well. No idea where Biscester is.. just know it is one of those odd places that is pronounced not as it is written. Bister I think? Little My's have no sense of direction whatsoever but they do care about friends and don't want them scared or hurting so hoping neither is happening today. If they are, she will drive aorund in circles till she finds the weird town with a fake stone circle and a crabby lady with as many books as her and stop her being scared. There.

    Biggest hug that doesn't hurt to you

    Little my xxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Sorry your feeling so cr*p. I've had my share of breathing problems but I've never had to have my chest drained. You've been through so much so far, I'm not surprised you're feeling scared and vulnerable. I know it's not the same as having someone right there, but we are all here for you and keeping our fingers crossed the chemo kicks ass!

    Lots of love, Ann x