shaky start this morning - bit better now

2 minute read time.
Had a very shaky start to the day this morning. Had only been up for about half an hour when the tears came and wouldn't stop. Cried solidly for about an hour. But feel a bit better now. Really touched by some of the comments after my rant yesterday. And everyone was so right in what they said about people's support. I definitely think that going through bereavement, illness, hard times in whatever shape or form makes you a more compassionate, courageous person. Far too many people to thank all of them, but jo mac, brambledigger, annie08, and Toni were certainly among them. (By the way, I live in Kent, near Bromley). My mum, who lost her husband at 47, (not my dad) then suffered malignant melanoma, depression and anxiety, has had to watch me struggling with cancer and now her grandchild, works voluntarily for Age Concern, and is the most compassionate person I know. Just wanted to add that one of my closest friends actually rang me this morning for the first time since last Sunday when I sobbed down the phone my fear at my son's results due the next day. I very calmly told her that I felt hurt and a bit shocked at the 'silence of the phones'. Said I needed friends to come round and see me, support me, just SIT with me sometimes. She started to say the old classic 'I didn't know what to say' and I cut her off by saying 'ANYTHING is better than nothing!' She said she'd come round this week, and I've just received a text message saying she's sorry, and she wouldn't hurt me for the world. So we'll see. I think what a lot of you said about telling people how you feel, then give them a second chance is right. If they don't come thru for me then, well they weren't worth it. My son has popped round this morning and is off to IKEA. He's being so brave, although I know he's terrifed, so I won't crack in front of him if it kills me. My husband says it kills him when I start to cry - but actually it does make you feel better sometimes, doesn't it? Almost part of my morning ritual now - Get up, make a cup of tea, let the dog out, have a few tears, then get on with the day until the next wobble comes. Bit like when you used to have fag breaks - now I have cry breaks. PS. My mother-in-law, or 'Jabba' as I call her, actually rang here this morning. But she still hasn't rung my son!
Anonymous
  • Hi Jeanie,

    Glad you're feeling bolstered by the support from members on this site and your friend calling is a positive move too. I only had daughters so I don't know how I would behave with a son but it does occur to me that if you broke down in front of your son would that be such a bad thing? I think men in our culture get a raw deal about showing their emotions - crying is healthy and shouldn't be looked on as a sign of weakness. By crying in front of him you may 'allow' him to join in and then you can support one another. My daughters  and I have shared so many tears over the years that perhaps I should invest in shares in Kleenex!

    Let us know how your son gets on please.

    KateG

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hi Jeanie, i too agree with Kate and Jo, don't be afraid to cry, as Kate said, maybe will make your son to have a good cry with you, i can't think of anything more comfort to be crying in a mum's harms,

    to show emotions is not a weakness, is to show how much you love him.

    so go ahead my friend.... CRY..CRY..

    thinking of you a lot

    love Toni xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Jeanie

    I am glad you found some comfort in our comments.  I agree with Kate above about crying in front of your son, because you can bet he feels the same, and is frightened to cry in front of you for fear of  upsetting you and his father.

    Hopefully your mother in law will come round, and is probably just finding if very diffiicult to talk to your son in case she breaks down, let her know your son is upset and encourage her to ring him.

    I really hope your friend comes round, now you have told her how you feel as I know how much supoort you need.

    As a mother (my son is 23) my heart goes out to you I have no idea how I would cope if this was happening to him or my 22 year old daughter.  I wish I could give you a big Hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).

    Please keep blgging and let us know how things are  going, and if you feel like coming into chat any night yoiu will find so much support there too.

    Jo Mac

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I AM so sorry that your feeling so low and anxious  at the moment. but i can assure you that your in the correct  place hear on the macmillan Gang  every one here feels for you , and its just a lovely place to go if your feeling the way that you feel at the moment.every one cares for every one else. they really helped me when i was very very anxious.

    I came on here in March, awaiting for Bone Marrow Tests, and i was so glad to  chat to all the gang here.

    They are just what you need when you feel like this. i have made a lot of friends on here, and even though i have not got Leukimia, i am still waiting for tests to be done, i have to have a C T Scan and Lung Function tests. to see why i keep getting the Chest infections.

    i Hope that your lad is getting over his operation, and picking up a little bit more now.

    you take care and im sure we will chat soon.

    love Brennxxxxxxxxxxx Chin up

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