Tomorrow I will be moving accross country to be nearer my family. We came here to the Midlands when Gary's job moved twenty years ago. The plan was always to go back south when we retired. Sadly it was not to be, and I am making the return journey alone.
I would not say I have come to terms with losing Gary in such a cruel way, I doubt I ever will. Slowly, inch by inch, I am learning to cope without him, and accept…
Just over a year ago, I was able to blog that Gary had responded well to the treament he had recieved in at a German clinic, and was in remission.
We had some very precious months together, leading normal lives, until in September, the tumour started to grow again, and spread to his second lung.
Although he fought on bravely, he became more emaciated and debilitated by the week.
On 17 December 2010, he lost his battle…
It's so strange that since Gary left me, time either seems to stand still or speed up.
Can it already be three weeks since Gary left me just a week before Christmas?
So much seems to have happened since then. Christmas is a blur, and seems so far away. I know I spent it with my grandchildren, but I remember little that happened.
I didn't mark the New Year, just went to bed at my normal time after taking a sleeping…
Yesterday G was told that the biopsies taken when his lung was drained were as expected, positive. He now has Mesothelioma in both lungs.
Treatment options are being reviewed by the oncologists at Bart's, but at the moment are very limited.
He is very frail, the weight is dropping off him, and he has no appetite. Added to that, his blood test showed he is very anemic and his kidney function is very low.
G is still poorly, even though the operation was a sucess, and he is home again. His breathing is as bad as ever, he seems to be losing the will to fight anymore. Yesterday, our 43rd wedding anniversary, he told me he thinks this may be the end. I seem to be in some sort of trance, its as though its all happpening to someone else.
