I know it's been a while since I wrote on this blog but things seemed to have moved at quite a pace and time has gone by so fast.
Mum had her op with an epidural as they said she was too frail for a general anaesethtic and she made a good recovery after a couple of days in hospital. Today we had to go to the hospital for the results of her op and details of any treatment plans. Sadly the tumour had invaded the muscle and if she was younger they would be suggesting bladder removal. However they feel this is not an option so have offered her 2 different course of radiotherapy.
The first option is for her to attend the hospital on 3 alternat days over one week although this option doesn't seem to offer much in the way of long term benefits. However it does have fewer side effects and a recovery time of approx 1 month. The second option is for 20 sessions (Mon-Fri) over 4 weeks with more hopeful results. Neither is a cure. The side effects of the second option are much greater and the recovery time is much longer 3/4 months.
All of this info is set against the fact she is almost 92 and I wonder how she will cope. He feelings tonight are that if she is going to have treatment at all she might as well go for the 20 session s. We've been advised to see her Dr about getting a Macmillan nusre involved and she wants to know what support would be available if she becomes very ill. I don;t live with my Mum but I am fairly close by and will naturally do everything in my power to help.
Her strength amazes me and althoug I didn't show it to her,tonight at home I am in bits, tearful and wanting to take it all away from her. I feel so selfish even considering my feelings.
My philosophy and way of dealing with thngs when she was first diagnosed was that we had to take it one step at a time and not think too far ahead. It sort of worked for the op but tonight I can't seem to find that philosophy in me and am crowded out by tears and fear. I know it will be a very hard time ahead for her and I want to do everything in my power to help but at this moment I feel totally useless.
