on the upswing

Things are getting a bit better today.  His personality/intellectual competence has been ever so slightly waning for the past couple motnhs and he's similar to a 14-year-old version of his older self.  Just less aware of nuances; not as emotionally mature; stuff like that.  But at leasthe's been cheerful today.  We went through a few days of his being horrible and stroppy and throwing things and saying things he'd never say.  he was making up things that hadn't been said or hadn't happened so he could have a reason to carry on stropping and kicking off.  Finally the new meds and ew doses of current meds seem to be helping and he's siling and joking and whatnot.  But more forgetful.  Nevermind.  I'd much rather have happy, forgetful, and immature, if the alternative is stroppy, bolshy, and crabby.  I know it's he rough with the smooth and we haven't seen the worst of it yet.  But I did have a conversation with him today about how when he's moody like that I get scared and I worry for the kids because they hold him in such adoringly high regard.  I don't want this to ruin their perception of him.  I don't want this to make it so that they remember the harsh bad days and forget the greatness.  He worries too and says he'll take whatever the docs throw at him to help it. Of course, two days ago he was going to give up any and all drugs/treatments and throw himself in front of a bus, so...???  I just wait.  I guess if something really bad happens, I'll know it's time to ask for help or find a better situation or, I don't know - something.  But for now, it seems the right thing to do is to just ring the GP when it gets bad and ask for advice.  It worked this time, as there's bound to be a chemical answer this early in his palliative care.  He hasn't nearly exhausted all the options to keep things even keel, so that's encouraging.

We've lost our cat.  He's not been home for two days now.  We have had two "search parties" out, but we haven't seen him anywhere.  Either he's really hurt and hiding, or somebody decided to adopt him without telling us.  I hope he's ok.

I have been on the phone with cafcass and solicitors about the ex's parents' visitation.  Cafcass has asked the judge to suspend his dirct contact order pending an investigation by social services.  This mean another trip 5 hours' drive away to appear in court for whatever results fromthe investigation and again if the investigation isn't complete.  All the while paying solicitor for this.  Why can't they just be nice, normal people?  This could be so much less stressful and all this travel and solicitor money could be spent on holidays for the family.  But NOoooooooooo!  We have to go back and forth and in and out of court because they refuse to admit what they know is true.  They aren't a positive influence and their son is a direct threat to all of us.  Such a waste of energy right now.

Heard from my mom today.  Her sister (my favourite auntie in the whole world) is really struggling.  She's found a doc who will operate on her liver and that surgery is coming up end of August.  But from what I hear (they live west coast USA) she is really weak; struggling to walk; in so much ain that the slow release and fast-acting morphine aren't doing the trick and she's having to get dilaudid injections and valium pills to cover the difference.

But at least here next to me in the house, the people are more cheerful and talking to each other and getting along.  And that is such a relief! :)