Advanced lung cancer - honest advice needed

2 minute read time.

Hello


I found out at the weekend my Dad's lung cancer can't be cured and that it has now spread beyond the lung.  It is quite a difficult situation: we were estranged for twelve years (never my or my sister's choice) and the weekend was the first time I had seen him since I was 16.  Secondly, I don't really think he is accepting the prognosis and because of the estrangement, I am not really in a position to start probing too deeply into his prognosis.  If any body has any knowledge or advice on the following, I would really appreciate it:

 

  • His cancer is terminal and the cancer has spread from his lungs to his stomach and we suspect his spine.
  • He was meant to start chemo last week to stop the cancer spreading so quickly.  He has told me his specialist/Oncologist (I'm assuming that is his type of specialist) has said he won't be having chemo now and that he is to go back to see the specialist in two months.  My Dad has told us this is because he doesn't need chemo yet, I believe this is because it is now too late for chemo.  Why would he wait two months when we already know it has spread  Can anyone confirm whether or not this is the case?
  • I have asked my Dad what his prognosis is but says he doesn't know but he is well enough to wait for chemo for two months.  I think he is in denial over how poorly he is.
  • He is 62 now and I have been told by a close friend he has deteriorated quickly.  He has trouble walking now (his legs are very sore and he has permanently swollen feet, ankles joints etc).
  • He has smoked 60 a day for the last 45 years and is still smoking.  His mother died of suspected smoking related lung cancer.


If anybody could give me honest advice on the chemo situation and any sort of indication how long he has left I would appreciate it, however bleak.  I realise it differs from person to person, but I am at a loss of how to go about this.  I have my own suspicion it isn't long, but my sister and I really would do with some sort of honest prognosis.  My Dad doesn't want us speaking to his doctor and I have to respect his wishes.  I will not push the subject, given the previous estrangemen, as I want to make the most of the time I have with him. 

Sorry for the sob story, I just wanted to put this into context as it is a difficult situation.  It is a very hard time but I need to know what to expect and I don't know who to speak to.

Best,

Lauren

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Lauren,

    Firstly I'm so sorry to hear of your heatbreaking situation I know it must be a very difficult time for you at the moment.

    I too am in a very similar situation and and I know exactly how you feel, so many questions you want to ask but you dont ever seem to get the answers, also please dont say sorry for venting your feelings and frustrations chick, thats what this site is for , so please dont worry.

    Obviously I'm no doctor and I can only tell you the situation with my mum and whats happened so far and everybody's cancer story is different.

    I'm the same age as you and my mum is 53, she is terminally ill with cervical cancer which has spread to her spine and abdomen, 3 months ago they toldus to expect her to live for months and not years, we were completely devastated.  Because it was so serious and they wanted to give her the best chance of living longer they arranged the chemo straight away with no delay. She's now had chemo for 3 months and they have stopped treatment as the cancer has spread to far and it was just making her feel worst.  Ive never heard of them delaying chemo for that long before but then I dont have a massive amount of experience so maybe your Dad is right and hopefully its because its still at an early stage, my mums was terminal 3 months ago but they still said it was at the early stages but she like your Dad got very ill very quickly and lost loads of weight is really weak and has bad legs.

    I think the only person who can tell you the honest answers is your Dad and his doc I'm afraid hun.

    We have been told a couple of months for my mum now.

    I really hope your Dads situation is alot better than my mums and that your suspicions arent correct.

    I really wish you all the best and if you ever need to vent or let ity all out please feel free to drop me an email.

    I hope nothing I have said has upset you, but I wanted to be honest about my experiences.  

    Best wishes to you all.

    Lucy xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Lauren. I am sorry to hear about your father. Especially as you have just been reunited. I know how that feels as I was once in a similar position.

    Someone on here might be able to help you with answers to your questions.

    Truly though I think that you answered your own question when you said that you want to make the most of the time you have left with your dad.

    I really don't believe that answers to the questions you ask are as important as you spending quality time with your dad, making up for lost time and making memories that will help you through your grief.

    You said yourself that everyone is different.

    Waiting 3 weeks for cheomtherapy isn't a long time with cancer patients as it won't make alot of difference whether its weeks or months. The cancer won't grow that quickly in 3 weeks.

    After my operation I waited 3 months for my chemo.

    Maybe your dad is trying to protect you so doesn't  want you to know the full story.

    If this is the case then like you said you should respect his wishes and not probe too deeply.

    Be with your dad Lauren and love and support him.

    Good Luck Love Julie X

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Lauren,

    Not a nice situation to be in. Your Dads Dr would not be able to tell you anything about his case.

    Patient Dr confidence.

    Your only hope of finding out is if your Dad decides to tell you himself. Sorry I cant be of more help.

    Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thank you everyone.  I meant the doctor has said no chemo and my Dad is to go back in two months, which I find strange given how fast the cancer is spreading.  Thank you so much for your words of support, reading your comments have made me realise there are people out there going through very similar situations and we're not alone.

    Lauren xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hello Lauren So sorry you have been estranged from your dad. I can only comment on my experience of lung cancer. My lovely sister was diagnosed December 2009 and prescribed chaemo and RT which she handled very bravely,but sadly she diied in may.My understanding of it is IF it has spread , and you wanted honesty,does not look good hunny. Be brave so you can enjoy the time you have with your dad. My thoughts are with you Lauren   Elgee .