Hi
My name is Suzanne and my fiancee Adam was diagnosed with Myeloma in Nov 08.
When he was first diagnosed he was really ready to fight but as the months have passed I am shocked by how much he has changed. It seems his whole life is about cancer, we run a business toghther which I have managed alone after he was diagnosed and we have an eleven year old daughter but it seems that these things mean nothing to him anymore, he is currently in hospital but never asks how we all are just talks about every ache and pain. When I get upset he will simply say think yourself lucky you havn't got cancer.
I love him dearly but am really struggling with how to help him, i don't want you all to think I am just moaning about him, i guess im just frightened that this will be how it is from now on. Many of his freinds have also confided in me that they cannot get him to talk about anything other than his illness and we are all concerned about his well being. I have tried to talk to his nurses and a counsellor but he will not admit to anyone that this is the way things are and will then get angry with me for involving other people.
Any advice would be greatly apprieciated.
FormerMember
My advice would be to just be there for him and listen, I have had oral cancer and my husband went through what you are going through and still is truth be known. So from my point of view he will be feeling lots of different emotions including anger and fear, I think because he is a fella aswell that they tend to bottle things up more than us women do anyway, its wont be that he doesnt care its because he is consumed by all the different emotions he is feeling, just listen and even if he repeats the same old thing just listen and be there thats my view on things anyway, it is a very difficult time for all of you. Take care Ruth
Am in exactly the same position as you. Hubby recovered from mesotheleoma after having a lung removed 9 yrs ago, and still has ongoing problems. (read my page).
I understand exactly how you feel. Adam has to learn to understand that cancer affects everyone, and it is all too easy to get wrapped up in your own problems, and dwell on things.
if my hubby gets down about things, I simply remind him that there are people out their that are far worse off. At which stage he goes into sulky teenage mode. The easiest thing for me to do is to remove myself from the situation, whether that be going for a walk, or taking a hot bath. I know it sounds selfish, but it really does make you feel better. Also you have to think of yourself, if you get ill, what happens then?
I really sympathise with you both, and hope he can get more positive in time, a negative attitude does no one any good, plus it hinders the healing process (lack of endorphins etc)
We as a couple have no sex life at all, but we are married, and committed. I just keep telling myself that things may get back to normal one day, if not then so what. There are more important things in life!
Email me anytime you need a rant, and please get some rest. Both of you
hello suzanne ........... firstly i just want to send you a great big hug and hope it helps
i do understand what your saying and no -you arent moaning
i would let him talk n talk n talk .......... let him get everything out
maybe one day he´ll surprise you and suddenly say - hey im sick of talking about me whats going on with everyone else ..... just hang on in there
when my son was in hospital for a while he had a laptop and internet access it really gave him other stuff to focuss on .............. he loved keeping in touch with his mates thro facebook!
hey i did too - when i stayed over at the hospital on quite a few nights .......
